Afraid of being seen and receiving

I used to have trouble posting on FB. 

I had trouble because I was afraid of being seen. 

I was afraid of being seen because I was afraid of receiving. 

I was afraid of receiving attention / friends etc,

because that might lead to me being wanted / receiving more than my mother. 

It might also lead to having success, clients, money and the like. 

Which, would make my mother jealous. 

Because my subconscious associated receiving money, love, attention, fun, support to live my life as receiving from my father. Whereas my adult self saw that as receiving money, love, attention, fun, support to live my life as receiving from my business. 

Because on the upper levels of consciousness my desires for my business was really on my lower levels of consciousness my desire to receive from my father. 

But deep in my subconscious I associated receiving from my father as being punished by my mother. 

And I was terrified of my mother, so I did everything in my power to stop / block / my father from giving to me any support / love etc because I associated all of that with pain / punishment / being abandoned / death.  

These were the reasons why my business was slow for years. I would only let myself receive so much. Now I’ve obvious smashed thru all that. More and more clients just keep appearing out of the woodwork! And it’s because I have changed my level of receiving. My capacity is 10X what it used to be. No amount of ‘identity your ideal clients’ or ‘follow this strategy’ was going to change my life with these self-sabotaging patterns going on in my sub.