About spending money on things I didn’t need.

When I did my inner child work… when I went into the emotions in my body (this was back in Dec) I sank into my body and I could feel all these feelings of having been deluded. I could feel the feelings of being ‘had’. Of regretting some of the things I had spent money on. Not all things. But some. I never regretted any of the energy sessions I got or the money spent on learning energy work. But I didn’t regret those things because they were soul aligned.
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Now I did regret some of the business programs that I had enrolled in. Not all of them, but some. And I regretted it because it wasn’t the soul aligned thing for me to do. I thought I needed those program because I couldn’t figure out why things weren’t flowing. But things weren’t flowing because I was messed up in my emotions. I felt like I ‘needed’ those things in order to be whole / ‘figure out’ my biz. Because there must be something OUTSIDE of me that I’m missing.
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But no, there was nothing I was missing per-say, the only thing I was missing was that it was an inside job. I was not fully in my body. And because I wasn’t fully integrated I didn’t know what to do. Because I based ‘what to do’ based on what my intuitive impulses are. But I couldn’t feel my intuitive impulses because I was out of my body. I was out of my body because I had some parts of me / aspects of self that thought that I had to earn love. (READ: childhood pieces) And these childhood pieces had projected out that the ‘business programs’ were going to ‘save’ me. They were going to ‘help’ me ‘figure it out’.
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You know what I couldn’t figure out? I couldn’t figure out EMOTIONALLY why I didn’t have ‘more’ clients (I had some – now I have plenty, but were getting to that part) I was emotionally confused as to why I didn’t receive from my father growing up (he was not around) and in my adult life that translated into I don’t understand why I don’t receive more from my business. What equaled my father in my childhood, equaled my business in adulthood. (READ: same MF pattern)
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So I was unconsciously ‘looking’ to business programs to help me figure out what I was ‘missing’ about my business because I couldn’t figure it out. If you can’t figure something out, you are emotionally confused. And you’re emotionally confused because something is missing. (By missing I mean an aspect of self) There is something that is not understood in the body. And when that piece comes back in, you get it.
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And what I ‘got’ was that I was looking to the programs to help me figure out my biz, because really I was emotionally confused as to why my father left and didn’t want me. My childhood self figured, “well, it must be me”, I need to change myself to figure out what I need to DO or how I need to BE to make him want me. Which led to looking to others to tell me how to run my business (aka what to DO / how to BE) so that people want me (aka my father wants me) You see how this is the same pattern?
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I was never going to figure it out by trying to DO stuff on an upper level ‘make stuff happen’. When you ‘get it’ on a deep / childhood piece level… your outer reality changes. Even things you haven’t been able to figure out for yearsssss… suddenly just stop. As soon as I cleared this up, clients started to flood in. I didn’t do anything different. Sure I have hundreds of YouTube videos and lots of subscribers on that now, but my ENERGY changing around this subject, is what changed things for me.
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I felt anger and regret, and the pain of ‘being deluded’ by the business programs because I was running a gullible child archetype in my psyche. That part of me was just so confused as to how she kept being deluded and kept thinking… ‘Oh this is going to be the thing!’ Only to find that, ‘No it wasn’t’. And no it wasn’t because I didn’t need anything outside of me (aka any business program) to TELL me HOW to BE so that people would want to spend time with me / give stuff to me. (Aka hire me) Because there was nothing WRONG with me.
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I had to emotionally / energetically clear out the feeling / association in my body that there was something wrong with me and THAT was why my father didn’t want me. When I cleared the sadness, the hurt, the shame and abandonment OUT OF MY BODY. And integrated the parts of self that were fragmented out. THEN I felt whole. THEN I felt loved. On a core level. And then I felt like, well of course my father loves me and wants to spend time with me. And then out of the blue, clients started messaging me and were like, ‘Hey I want to book a session do you have time’? And I was like, ‘Sure’.
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But no, the biz programs were not going to save me. Because what I was unconsciously projecting out into the world in my deeper emotional body /childhood pieces were what was creating the ‘problem’ in my day to day adult life. I feel like it has taken me longer to write to you guys than to do the energy work to correct this. But this is the type of work were going to be doing in Merge With Your Power. Correct patterns in the psyche like this energetically, and talk on the phone and do WhatsApp messages back and forth to energetically shift your sh**. The whole thing is a 6 week energetic container. And if you join me (it starts when you enter) we will be doing some shamanic ceremonies to shift and change realty and the energy work to shift your life dramatically. Message me if you feel like this is for you and if you have any questions.
Much love guys. Nite.